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Monday, July 24, 2006


seriously.. it has been almost two weeks since i last blogged.. tired of the whole thing sia.. of life mainly.. well mabbe can see dat i have a lot on my mind lately.. blocking out de things which i dun wanna face.. forgeting lots of things.. i dun show it out.. mabbe i juz dun like to show moi true emotions.. it makes me feel vunerable.. i prefer to keep moi thoughts private.. i like to keep dem inside me.. i dun like to talk bout moi feelings much.. perhaps in words in writing im able to express moiself better.. perhaps i shld try to open up moiself.. shld let moi feeling flow out but i cant bring moiself to do it.. even to the bestest of moi friends although i do trust n luv dem veri much.. nt for other reasons.. nt tat i dun wan to let ya all noe.. but moi own prob.. perhaps blogging let u all noe me better.. as i dun normally say the things which i write in moi blog.. u all muz read den u noe de things happening to me.. perhaps mabbe im a person who is dificult to understand.. mabbe wo ye bu neng liao jie zi ji.. i cant expect others to liao jie wo..

或许对我来说醒着的生活是一场梦... 一场我想结束的恶梦...

或许我在想一天又一天的生活意义浅淡..
爸爸这两个字已对我来说是一种痛..
我知道你惦记着我..
毕竟我是你的女儿..
可是你的疼爱我已无法承担...
毕竟是你亲手彻底毁灭了我对你的信任..
我不恨你..
只是我不想面对你..
我不想谈..
我不想承认..
我的生活已回不了过去的快乐..
我不想正面去面对你..
因为我知道我没那么坚强..
我只是强忍着痛..
无视..
已经是我对事物的逃避..
逃避我真正的感觉..
逃避所有人的眼光,,
我不想沉闷在伤痛中..
开朗的面对外界..
已是我拆不下的面具..
内心的痛或许只有我自己去了解..
我不想让我的心情去影响他人的情绪..
我周围人的快乐对我很重要..
因为你们要比我活得更好..
让我觉得这世上还是有温暖..
所以不要担心我..
或许给我一段时间..
我会克服这段难期..
因为有你们关心我..
或许就是我最好的推动力.....

Just another day @ 8:19 PM